The Sisters of the Visitation of Tyringham

“… the Novitiate is heaven on earth.” (St. Bernadette of Lourdes)

This November 1st will mark five years in the Monastery for me. In this third year of Temporary Vows, I have been looking back and reviewing some of he things I have learned since arriving here on November 1, 2000, and reflecting on the (inevitable?) growth pursuant to this anniversary

Our Novitiate is really quite elastic and is a sort of microcosm of the whole Community, which is also elastic. When I first entered, there was only Sr. Miriam Rose and I who made up our little group. Sr. Mary Emmanuel was also in a white veil, but she very soon (Jan. of 2001) transferred her vows in her Solemn Profession. Then, in recent years, the Novitiate began to increase in numbers, indeed, even to swell, so that we had no more cells available for new members.

Since the first newsletter was “published”, some of the postulants and novices have returned to the world. If you remember from the first letter, I explained how this is quite common, even expected, and that the Community is happy to help each candidate work out for herself if she has a vocation to religious life in general and to this monastery in particular. Some of these women whom I have mentioned, as well as those who have gone before them, left while still postulants, some in the first year of novitiate, and still others, in the second year of novitiate, looking ahead to Temporary Vows. Our most recent attrition has really made me stop to wonder, “How is it that I came to persevere?”

After a retreat for one week, followed by a retreat for three weeks a short time later, I determined that this was very likely the place to which God was calling me (and don’t think I wasn’t nervous!). I planned to “live-in” for three months (June, July, and August of 2000). A three month live-in period is not required. It is not required by Canon law, by our Constitution, or by our Monastery. As a matter of fact our Constitution specifically states that any pre-postulancy or live-in period may not be used as part of the official postulancy. All that official stuff aside, I must say that I found it to be extremely helpful. A retreat of a few days, or even of a few weeks simply cannot give a true sense or feel for the life lived day in and day out, seven days a week, month after month….

I realize that not everyone is blessed with the “safety nets” that I had. I was not able to convince my employers to hold my situation for me while I went away for three months. I had to decide to just abandon myself to Divine Providence and step out on the water, so to speak. So, I gave my two weeks notice, sold my belongings, gave some to the poor and some to my family.

But what if it didn’t work? I had no worries or fears about this. Why? In truth, because of my safety nets. For one thing, I knew I would be able to procure a new job without difficulty. My apartment, furniture and car were all gone. Oddly, this filled me an outrageous feeling of freedom. I no longer had my own address. Amazing! My loving and supportive parents and six sisters, all living in Florida, would give me help and refuge when and if I needed it. What blessings! What grace! The scariness of leaving all for Jesus was not so much in the material world, but in the uncertainty of it all. It was just plain scary!

It is an odd phenomenon that when I do something new and somewhat nerve-wracking, it is also thrilling and exhilarating. Is it like that for everyone? There was once an advertisement (for what, I can’t remember, which just goes to show how fleeting are the things of this world) which promised, “This is the ride of your life!” or something to that effect. I beg to differ. Even though it has been many years since I’ve watched television, I still remember that phrase. This radical change in life and way of living, this is the ride of your life!

When I first came for retreat, I used to wonder about the times in between prayer in choir. Where did everybody go? What were they doing? During that first summer, I learned the answers to those and so many other questions.

After the first few days of gently settling into the routine and rhythm of the life, I was given some little charges (work to do). They asked me to clean the refectory and reset the tables after breakfast, dry dishes after dinner (lunch) and supper (dinner!). Then I was asked to sweep the some of the long corridors (sometimes called a cloister, depending on its location), clean bathrooms and staircases.

It was not a terribly hot summer, but still, I was very edified by the fact that the “poor sisters” (as I called them in my mind) never mentioned the weather or how hot they were. In fact, they gave no indication that they were uncomfortable, so of course, I did not feel that I could say anything about my discomfort (which was considerable having grown up in Florida, the land of air-conditioning, which was to me the hallmark of civilization). Every day that summer, almost every hour, brought new lessons for me. One day, after I had cleaned my assigned stairs, it was pointed out to me that the corners did not get enough attention, so away I went to clean them again. Was I at peace? Was my heart tranquil? Was I happy to do this backbreaking chore again? Certainly not! Interiorly, I fumed the whole time. What misery I made for myself!

Early in my stay, at suppertime, the tables were set with dishes of yogurt for dessert. “Yogurt for dessert?” I thought. “Yuck!” I saw that someone had received an orange for dessert. I asked if I could have an orange too. “Are you unable to take yogurt?” “No, I can eat it okay.” “Well then,” I was told,”why don’t you take the yogurt?” I cannot tell you how upset this made me. I could hardly eat I was trying so hard not to cry. But that is the petty, paltry truth of the matter.

Another time, I was being taught about the laundering and folding of refectory towels. “Do it this way,” a Sister instructed, showing me what seemed to be a long, drawn out, somewhat complicated method of treating linen towels. I was thinking to myself, “Good grief! How dumb is this? What possible difference could this make?”

Why do I share these stories with you? I tell you to illustrate how one person (me) began a life of prayer and mortification, sacrifice and surrender, all for Love. Now, five years later, I am still cleaning stairs and for love I give the corners particular attention. I still have favorite things to eat, but it doesn’t matter to me one way or the other if I ever taste them again. At this time, I am once again assigned the charge of the Refectory and I take delight in the care and folding of the same linen dishtowels and will pass these instructions on to some one else who is new to the Refectory. Now I see with the unmistakable clarity of time and hindsight, that all these things that were so difficult and irksome to me at the start were (and continue to be) the very situations that God Himself provides to begin the long and arduous process of separating myself from the attachments I have busily been collecting all my life.

Once, during that summer “live-in”, Sr. Miriam Rose had given me some advice when I was finding the going rough and confusing. I was having some trouble understanding a thing referred to as “religious decorum”, or something like that. A nun’s behavior must reflect her mindfulness of her Spouse, Jesus Christ and she must remember that she is also a representative of the Church. As such, there is need for modesty in speech and action. This can mean many things and for me, modesty has taken on deeper significance as I meditate on and live out the vow of chastity.

When a woman first arrives here she will find a difference in language and communication (well, I did anyway). There are certain expectations that perhaps you can guess. For instance, obviously, one does not swear here or use slang terms, especially ones that the rest of the community would not know. One does not holler or call out loudly to catch someone’s attention down the hall. One does not verbalize political persuasions (particularly during election time). In short, one must learn to “mortify” one’s tongue. This does not happen overnight and no one expects a newcomer to know all these fine points. I certainly didn’t. And so when I was becoming frustrated and discouraged at finding my foot in my mouth so often, as well as making all sorts of other blunders and mistakes, Sr. Miriam Rose recommended to me to think of the monastery and its inhabitants as a whole new country (or planet, even) where the culture is totally different. The people dress differently, they talk a different language. Their customs and traditions are all new and must be studied and learned. It is no use to try to change every one else to your way of thinking and doing things.

This will not do for two reasons: One: It simply will not work. Two: There was something about this place that attracted me in the first place, and if I came in here and started trying to change everything, and if I were successful, it wouldn’t be the same place that first attracted me – it would be more like the world I had just left. (I credit this paragraph to Sr. Alice Marie who has told us this time after time in Great Novitiate.).

I have shared just a smattering of some of the challenges I faced when I first did my “come and see” live-in. This was actually not meant to put anyone off from coming to see what God might be calling her to do. Obviously these little trials (and I do mean little) did not scare me off. I do feel it’s important to know that it is a difficult life and there is no denying it, but the beauty, the love, the joy that is experienced in the living of a contemplative vocation is unmatched any where else on earth. I think I must have said this before, but it bears repeating, especially if someone out there (you?) is resisting the call. The truth of a religious vocation can only be tested in the reality of living it, and the living of a religious vocation can only be lived if one is truly called. I was surprised to learn from one more knowledgeable than I, that just because someone really wants to be nun (or priest, brother) does not necessarily mean that one has a vocation. And the converse can be true, as well.

So perhaps you are saying to yourself, “This doesn’t sound so great to me after all” or “What’s so good about it?” Well for me, what’s so good and great about it is the very counter-cultural way we live. For instance? For instance, Saturday evening. What are people out there “in the world” doing on Saturday nights? They are getting ready to go out on dates, out to dinner with their spouses, heading out to a special place for a weekend getaway, partying after a football game. All these things are fun and pleasant enough. But others are drinking to excess, looking for a drug fix, cruising the bar scene, plotting crimes, raping, robbing, murdering and starting wars. So who is even thinking about God, much less loving Him and praising Him? We are!

This often comes to my mind as we process into the choir at five o’clock for Evening Prayer (Vespers is the Latin term). We incense the Scriptures (from which we will read select passages five time a day). Two sisters stand and bow before the Superior for a blessing in their offices of the week as Lector (reads the Scriptures out loud) and Officiant (opens and closes each prayer time). The organ begins to play the beginning of the Divine Office, “Oh God, come to my assistance,” the Officiant sings. “Oh Lord, make haste to help me,” we all respond. For thirty minutes we sing and pray (they are one) to God, as incense floats upward (as the incense ascends, our prayers rise with it) and permeates the whole chapel. Often, it is only we, the Community in the church. Occasionally, there are people in the “outside” chapel. Evening prayer is followed by a half hour of mental prayer, after which we process out together, and each goes where she needs to be to get ready for supper at six fifteen. And another week in the Church calendar has begun.

The next time I write, we will be in the season of Advent. I love Advent and can hardly wait! I will share with you how we “prepare the way of the Lord.” This season actually coincides with my postulancy so maybe I’ll combine the two subjects, because believe me, Advent here is radically different from “out there.” Wait’ll you read how we “make straight the path” for Christmas. I just love Advent!

My postulancy began on November 1, 2000, and so Thanksgiving was my first big “family” holiday that I celebrated here in the Monastery. It was certainly not the first time I was separated from my family on Thanksgiving, as I lived in Maine, and they lived in Florida and it had been that way for a long time. So Thanksgiving here with my new potential family was interesting and enjoyable as I recall. We may phone our families on these big celebrating holidays, if we wish.

Our main meals of dinner and supper are taken in the community room on little folding tables, served buffet style, with talking all the while. In fact, Thanksgiving is a “Recreation Day” for the Community, so there is talking all over the place! Initially, I found it odd how we would stop our recreation and go to the choir at the prescribed times to pray the Divine Office. Over the years, however, I have come to relish these steadfast times of prayer to which we are always faithful. I find it touching and beautiful and fitting, that we should stop our “secular” celebration and repair to the chapel for a liturgical celebration.

As most of us know, soon after Thanksgiving, Advent begins. It was quite a tradition in my family of women (and still is I believe) to go shopping on “Black Friday”. Not doing that for the first time didn’t bother me at all. How amazing (for me, any way).

This most recent Advent of 2005 a special time of silence, one with a stillness and character all its own, descended upon the Monastery almost at once. When it snows I find the silence enhanced, for some reason. Maybe it’s the muffling effect of the snow. That first Advent here, though, rattled me just a little because I kept misinterpreting others’ silence and getting the false idea everybody was angry with me, which was, of course, foolish. After a little while, I grew more comfortable with it. I had been used to silence by myself, but not among others and I needed to adjust a little. Now, it is such a treasure and a joy, I wonder how I ever lived without it!

The Sisters who work in the Sacristy and the Refectory need to keep in mind the Advent wreathes they must make just before the season starts. By the time we have Evening Prayer the Saturday before the 1st Sunday of Advent (or more simply, Evening Prayer I of Advent), the beautiful, freshly made wreathes are positioned in the choir and in the Refectory.

To start Advent, as we process into the choir, Sister is at the organ, quietly playing “O Come, O Come Emmanuel,” the incense is already pervading the air and those first few minutes are almost mystical, so heavenly are they. Mother blesses the wreath with holy water, lights the first candle and we begin the Advent Season.

A little more than an hour later, we gather in silence in the Refectory for supper, and again, Mother blesses the wreath, and lights the 1st candle. She reads from Scripture. All season long, we take turns reading from Scripture (generally Isaiah and Jeremiah) and lighting the candles in the Refectory. The reading through each dinner and supper is a weekly assignment and the Assistant to the Community (Sister Mary Ruth) chooses what is read. This year, our Advent “food” was a book about Pope Benedict.

Advent glides along quietly, softly, joyfully, with excitement bubbling just under the surface. Reminders of the penitential waiting ambience are scattered throughout our days, usually in very solid and sensible ways. For a new comer the unusualness of preparing for Christmas in this way can be surprising, pleasing, difficult, disappointing, interesting, educational and revelatory.

These reminders or signs of the season are most prevalent in every aspect of the Liturgy, both Mass and the Divine Office. The readings for Mass and the Office go hand in hand, both taken quite a lot from Isaiah, focusing on the final coming of our Lord.

Of course, the priest is vested in purple. There are no altar flowers except on Gaudete Sunday. The music of the Mass parts (Holy, Holy, Alleluia, Amen, etc) are a special setting we use each Advent with the underlying tune being “O Come, O Come Emmanuel”, and the hymns too, are indicative of the season. There is no Gloria at Mass. Two exceptions to all these things are December 8, the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception, and December 12 the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Then the Gloria reappears, the priest wears white and flowers are all over the place! (Thanks Calvin!).

Meanwhile “backstage” as it were, we are getting decorations ready to be put up during the last part of the last week of Advent. We have some seriously organized Sisters here who have everything boxed, filed, labeled and ready to go at a moments notice. (It’s very efficient, if a little scary for those less orderly personalities!).

By the time December 17th arrives, we are well prepared by 3 weeks of scripture telling of the final coming. Now there comes a shift in theme to the Incarnation, or, the Coming of our Lord in Time. The Liturgy, if not dominated by, is certainly marked by the “O Antiphons” which are incorporated in the Mass, Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) and our prayers and songs in the Refectory.

During the season of Lent and Advent, the Sisters do penances once a week in the Refectory, in addition to their weekly telling of faults (that will have to be another newsletter). On the evening of December 21, we enter into “Little Retreat”. This is generally a time marked by decreased activity and increased prayer time. Well, the increased prayer time stays, but you can imagine that now we are putting up decorations, practicing our singing a little extra, and other occupations pursuant of the season so the activity does truthfully shift into a higher gear, but still with silence in attendance.

The Christmas tree is put up in the Community Room (which is like your living room would be to you) and after a day or two during which Tom (our very handy maintenance man) gets the lights on, we decorate the tree. Some times we do it at recreation time, sometimes not. There are no Christmas carols playing during this time of decorating or at any other time in Advent. There is no hot cocoa and popcorn or anything of that sort while we decorate and some people find that to be a very difficult thing to bear and get use to. It was a little bit of a let down for me, I have to admit. But there it is. The Community’s traditions are not my traditions, until I become a Community member in truth and in spirit.

Another example of getting use to different traditions: In my Polish upbringing, we did several things very special to me. One was we ate no meat on Christmas Eve. So each year I have asked for and received permission not to eat meat on Christmas Eve. It wasn’t really necessary in Christmas of 2005 and 2004 as Christmas Eve fell on Saturday and Friday respectively, and those are ordinarily our meatless days in this monastery. But I have been thinking about it a lot this year and am wondering if it isn’t time I gave up this personal tradition and donned the tradition of this Community. Additionally, in my family, the Christmas Eve meal and general celebration is almost bigger than Christmas Day itself. Here, we are in retreat, and at noonday meal (our big meal of the day) we do a communal penance in the Refectory. Our evening supper, although nice, is simple and most don’t take much because many will go to bed for an hour or two nap before Vigils at 11 P.M., followed by Midnight Mass.

Christmas Eve afternoon we gather in the community room for the blessing of the Christmas tree, which is a simple but lovely ceremony. There is a prayer, a reading from Scripture, followed by a responsorial psalm sung by two Sisters. Then Mother blesses the tree and while singing an Advent hymn we each hang an ornament. After supper, we gather in the community room for recreation and we are given a little bag of Christmas card supplies. You see, we do not correspond during Advent, so we send our Christmas cards out during the Christmas season( the fact that some of us are still working on them as we approach Lent is not exactly a testament to our fidelity in correspondence). In these little bags we receive about 25 cards, stamps, return address labels and holy cards to tuck into the envelopes, if we choose. We may ask for more if needed (Heaven forbid!) or we may give it all back and not send any cards at all. I am seriously considering this second option for next year. Then for the first time, since the novitiate Sisters have been busily decorating the novitiate, the whole community goes down to the Novitiate for the blessing of the Community crèche located in the Novitiate study room. We call it the novitiate “crib” but it is actually a whole stable scene about one-fourth life size. This manger scene is no easy stable to assemble, let me tell you! Each night during the Christmas Octave we gather at the crèche for a hymn and prayer.

On Christmas Eve there is an interim of time before we assemble as a community in the choir at 11pm for the Vigil Office of Readings, which lasts almost an hour. Then comes a break of 5 or 10 minutes and it is time for Midnight Mass. Attendance by the public varies from year to year, and I suppose the weather plays a part in that variation. So now, all the practicing of the Mass parts and hymns and carols will give way to proficient abandonment in celebration of the birth of Jesus. Mass is celebrated with great solemnity, but also with great joy. After the last “Gloria" has faded away, it is nearly 2 am and we silently file down to the refectory for Christmas cookies (Sister Anne Marguerite had been feverishly baking all week for this night). On the Superior’s table is an old music box that plays “ Silent Night “ and as Refectorian, I wind that up, light all the candles, turn on the lights and help the dispenser make sure all we need for our cookie snack is available. We eat in silence. Some go to the sacristy to help if needed, but otherwise, we go to bed, to rise again at 7am. Morning prayer is at 7:30am followed by breakfast, then ½ hour of mental prayer, then the Mass for Christmas Day; celebrated at 9:30 am. Christmas day is a “talk day” but not a recreation day. My first Christmas and maybe also my second one, I was surprised and disappointed that Christmas day was not a recreation day. Now I understand. One is very practical, if not prosaic. There simply is not time for recreation, nor is there the energy as most of us are feeling somewhat tired and a little less than perky. The second reason, and most important is that Christmas is a Solemnity in the Church and is celebrated as such, with a Holy Hour at 4 pm and Exposition interspersed with the Liturgy of the Hours and extra prayer times. So a “talk day” is quite sufficient to share our happiness with each other. Throughout the day, Sisters try to obtain access to the phone to call family. It has happened more than once, that I did not get to talk to my family until the next day, but they understand about sharing telephone time, since, don’t forget, I grew up with six sisters---some of them mighty popular too!

After our very lovely and extra nice dinner at noon during which we enjoy many of the benefactions we have received, we meet in the community room to open presents that have been given to us. Then the Procuratrix (“the proc”—Sister Mary Emmanuel) brings out baskets of goodies from which we are invited to take what we need. One basket, for instance holds new wash cloths, bars of soap and toothpaste. Another has pens, pencils and pins. Pins? Yes, pins. Straight pins with either black or white heads on them. We use them to keep our habits and veils all together while we are wearing them. Just this year, I was observing us as we gleefully opened packages and placed them in the center of the room for everyone to see. Not a single thing belonged to any one of us, but all to each of us, as Community, and we were glad and satisfied. As for the baskets of soap and pins etc.well we know every year that is what is coming and again we all are so glad and satisfied, just to take what we need and leave the rest. For instance this year I had no need of a new washcloth, so I didn’t take any. Another Sister might need two and could take two. This ritual activity, which to me accentuates our vow of evangelical poverty, always gives me great pleasure. On a more practical level, it would seem to me, that this decreases the Sisters need in the immediate future, to go to Mother to ask for soap and toothpaste.

All this cheerful Community time gives way at last to a brief time, perhaps 45 minutes, to ourselves, followed by a Holy Hour with Eucharistic Adoration and Evening Prayer. At supper, we listen to Christmas carols and continue to do so all through the Christmas octave. Our meals during this time are given special attention by our dear Dispenser, Sister Judith Clare. As we have been given many gifts of food, it can get pretty sumptuous sometimes.

Once we have celebrated Epiphany, we once again find ourselves in Ordinary Time. The Christmas decorations come down, music in the Refectory is no longer played, no more Christmas carols are sung during Mass. Vestments change from white to green. There are many reminders of the past season though. Poinsettias, yes, even on January 22 they linger on, pert and bright, in the sanctuary and scattered throughout the house.

That first Christmas for me was a good introduction to the life and provided a positive entry into the second half of my Postulancy which was comprised of Lent and Easter. In general, the main occupation of a postulant is to learn the in's and out's of daily living. The nuts and bolts of what makes living a Christian life "here" particularly different from living a Christian life “out there”. It seems to me that it boils down to intensity, or perhaps I should use the word “depth”. Both are apt, I think. As a postulant I only had an inkling, a glimpse of this depth and intensity. The Novitiate is truly heaven on earth where the aspiring religious is helped and encouraged and taught what she needs to know to become a fully professed member of the Community and an authentic spouse of Jesus Christ.

I hope that the next Novitiate Notes from me will not be so long in coming as this one has been. I look forward to sharing more with any one interested enough to read this little letter and hope that it may serve as a source of not only information, but even of inspiration, inspiration to seek God more closely as a consecrated person living for Christ alone.

There comes a time for the Postulant when she must advance a little further on the path she has chosen. Our Constitutions recommend that the Postulancy last from six to twelve months. It may be extended a little, but generally speaking this is not the choice made. The Postulancy is a time for the candidate to look more closely at her vocation and at the community and also for the community to look at the candidate for signs of a vocation to the contemplative life. It is an open time, so to speak, as the postulant may choose to leave at any time. My Postulancy lasted seven months.

I remember the day I was received as a Novice. I was working upstairs, cleaning away (what a good little Postulant!), when the bell rang for me. I looked down over the staircase to see who was ringing the bell and I saw Sr. Alice Marie there. She signaled for me to come down. I did. She said, "You are wanted in the Chapter Room."

Immediately, my stomach got all in knots and I wondered "Oh no! Now what have I done?" Sister must have noticed my distressed look and smiled. "Come on! The Chapter Sisters are waiting! Take off your apron. Here." She handed me a piece of paper with a little prayer and some instructions written on it.

As we scurried down the hall she quickly gave me instructions on what to do-bowing to each sister and embracing her, according to rank. By now I had figured out I wasn't in trouble after all, but was being accepted into the Novitiate. The Sisters still laugh when they recall how I kept checking my little "cheat sheet" to see what to do next.

When all was done and I knew for sure that I would be receiving the habit on May 31st` (Feast of Our Lady of the Visitation-our titular feast), I went to the chapel to give thanks and praise to God and then I called Mom and Dad to tell them. I explained that the reception of the Habit was a private ceremony and that they should not come up for that.

I believe that I explained all about the reception in a previous letter when two sisters received the habit last spring. I would like to add that in addition to having a Sister assigned as dresser to assist me in the beginning of learning to dress myself, I was given a paper with the prayers that we say as we don each item. I find it to be a wonderful way to begin the day prayerfully, and the prayers are quickly memorized.

Before we slide the habit over our heads, we kiss it because it is blessed and say, "Cover me oh God with the garment of justice and the robe of peace. Do not permit me to appear before your face without good works."

As we put on our cincture (belt), we say "Unite me oh God so close to you that nothing will ever separate us."

The binder is the piece that goes on the forehead, above the eyebrows, wraps around the head and is pinned at the back of the head. As we put this on we say, "Close my eyes to the things of earth that I may behold you alone."

And finally, we put on our veils and say, "Grant oh my God that this veil may serve not only to conceal me from all creatures, but from all complacency and satisfaction that I may seek or find in them, that you may be my only Good, my Love, and the Sweet Delight of my soul." If we have a black veil, the prayer is preceded by kissing the veil because it has been blessed. The white veil is not blessed (because it is temporary and not blessed, we do not kiss it). And so my official novitiate began. The first year is the "canonical year", that is, the year required by canon law. It is at the end of the second year that the Novice asks formally, in a letter, the favor of making her Temporary Vows.

It is impossible for me to recall the specifics of my Novitiate. In a general way, I can. It was a time of grace and trial as I strove to "do violence to myself'. That is a phrase that I think the world might take offense at, or at the very least, find out-dated and irrelevant to life today. I'll try to explain it a little.

Soon after my reception, summer began with a vengeance. I was determined not to complain (because the Sisters did not complain and I knew the Saints would not have complained, and certainly Jesus would not have complained), but I must have been looking rather wilted, as one Sister sought to console me. She said, "It gets easier, you know!" And I said that I hoped all this suffering was releasing a lot of poor souls from Purgatory.

One of the main things I began to learn (and am still learning!) is how to take correction. I connected very quickly with the importance of the concept of not excusing myself. Excusing oneself is a fault. Maybe even a grave fault. I say I understand the concept. I did not say I was immediately able to do it!

It is very much a part of one to excuse, defend and explain oneself in order to "save face" or preserve one's reputation. What is the point of this difficult exercise, you might wonder? The point (for me, anyway) is to learn humility. It is quite contrary to love of self to allow people to just think the worst of you (or if not the worst, at least be misunderstood or in some way erroneously judged). If I don't defend my action, whether it was something beyond my control or just plain stupid, someone might think, "Good grief, what a birdbrain!" or "Well she's not very responsible."

Then it is the other Sister's turn to practice virtue by excusing me themselves in their minds. They might think "Oh I remember when I was a Novice. I had so much trouble ringing the bells on time" or "I remember how long it took me to catch on to all the little details of the Liturgy of the Hours." See how virtue begets virtue?

That's how to take correction and grow from it. Do I practice this penitential virtue to perfection? No, I do not. As I said, it is something I've learned, intellectually at least, and I am still learning. Someone else may have no difficulty with this practice at all, but she may find something else challenging. The school of the Novitiate is the beginning of the shedding of one's old ways of thinking, behaving, and reacting so to better conform to Christ. So many books I've read about the carrying of crosses, offering sacrifices and suffering for the conversion of sinners and for the Holy Souls in Purgatory boil down to this. It is the daily little trials and difficulties that each of us experiences-be she business woman, mother, wife, missionary, or nun-that can make all the difference in our lives and in the world. It is in these most ordinary and irritating of circumstances that we can become saints. I think it must be ever so much harder "out there" in the world where if you want to become a saint, it is a constant battle all right, but a battle that one might have to fight all alone. Whereas here, in the little "Heaven of the Novitiate", we all have the same goal. We pray for each other and carry each other. Here we are all in the fight together to reach our goal: union with God. Heaven!

Until next time, pray for me,
Your sister in Christ,
Sr. Bernadette Therese

P.S. Since I began writing this letter, I learned the happy news that I have been received by the Chapter to make my Solemn Profession of Vows. The date is May 31st, 2006. I ask you to join with me in prayer and thanksgiving on this joyful occasion. Thank you for your prayers.

I am thrilled and overcome with joy! I did indeed pronounce my Solemn Vows on May 31st. What grace! What love! What joy! Someone had asked me, “How could you have done such a thing?” and my reply was, “How could I How could I refuse Spirit who so gently yet firmly wooed me away from the world and all its attractions to keep me for Himself? I was helpless and could not resist.

All throughout the Novitiate, our yearly retreats are of eight days duration. To prepare for Solemn Profession we make a 10 day retreat and ever after the annual retreat is 10 days. During these days set aside for interior preparation, we are able to perform a number of penances. Most of them are done each year, but some are done only this one time.

There are many other things that must be done before the big day. A final will and testament must be written and notarized. Worldly possessions must be dispersed and dispensed. I am speaking of things like stocks, bonds, IRAs, checking accounts – anything to do with money because one of the main differences between Solemn Vows and Simple Perpetual Vows is the depth of evangelical poverty declared.

Ten days of solitude can take many directions. Sometimes the time can pass slowly, peacefully, steeped in prayer and recollection, relaxation and rest. And sometimes not so much…

Six days before my Profession was Ascension Thursday, a beautiful Solemnity of the Church. It was about 2 pm and Mother Marie Joan suffered a sudden heart attack. 911 was contacted and even though I was in retreat, I was given permission to go to the hospital with her on the ambulance. Sister Mary Emmanuel followed in our car.

When the ambulance arrived at the hospital, we had passed Sister Mary Emmanuel in the traffic, so it was just Mother and I. She was in great distress and kept calling my name and saying she couldn’t breathe. For the next hour, the code team in the ER made a beautiful effort to save her. Sister Mary Emmanuel arrived about ½ hour later, and together we decided with the doctor that nothing more could be done. And our dear Mother was dead at 4:55 pm on the evening of the Ascension.

I am glad that Sister Mary Emmanuel was there because after 4 days of silence and solitude, to find myself in this predicament was stunning.

Back at home, all were waiting. A family priest-friend of the Community came over right away to be with us and we had a light supper in the refectory. I’m sure other things happened, but I either don’t know or don’t remember them. I withdrew back into retreat.

The next couple of days I spent talking to and praying unceasingly for Mother. Then I realized that my Solemn Profession – a life altering occasion – was fast approaching and I needed to refocus. I recollected myself and resumed the plan for my retreat.

The community had wanted to have the funeral before the Profession, but “situations and circumstances” as Mother Marie Joan used to say, prevented that plan and it was decided to bury her 2 days after the Profession.

I have often alluded to penances in the refectory. I know I have promised to explain them but I can’t explain them in this letter and still write about the Profession. But I will explain the two that are exceptional for this retreat alone and I will never get to do them again.

Perhaps you might be thinking, “How odd to refer to penances as something you ‘get’ to do.” That’s understandable, but really, as Sister Alice Marie explained one time in her “Great Novitiate” conference, it is a privilege to tell faults and to do penance. It is indeed. I do not know which monasteries retain these practices but we at Mont Deux Coeur still find value and meaning in them.

On the last day of my retreat, the day before the Profession, at dinner, I did what is called “dining on alms”. It begins by kneeling before Mother while “grace” is said, then I formally ask permission to dine on alms. Since we were Motherless at this time, the Assistant in the Community assumes her place until the election for a new Superior takes place. So it was to Sister Mary Ruth that I addressed myself. When she gives permission, it is followed by a short exhortation, usually about the intention and symbolism of this exercise.

When each course of the meal is served (the main “portion”--potato/rice/pasta/vegetable, dessert, bread), I rise from my kneeling place and go to a predetermined table where a little dish of what the sisters are eating is waiting for me. I silently bow to the oldest Sister in rank at that table and she gives me the dish of food. I simply take it back to the placemat on the floor, kneel and eat. This meal is extraordinarily long. Really. Sixty-five minutes of kneeling punctuated by brief forays to the tables to get food make for a very long affair. And if you don’t like being the center of attention – forget it! The newer Sisters in the Novitiate are watching to see how this is done and the older ones are watching to see if it’s done correctly!

Normally we do not do two penances in one day, but as I lost some days due to situations and circumstances, that evening, the last night of my retreat, at supper, I made my “7 Renunciations”. Again, this is a once in a lifetime occurrence.

In the Monastery at this time, besides our postulants and novices, we had 3 young women here on vocation retreat. Normally, retreatants are not allowed in the refectory until after the penance is completed and the Sister is seated at her place. We made an exception this time because we felt that they would benefit from the full view of all the preparation that goes into the making of Solemn Profession.

The “Renunciations” is a very simple and straightforward penance, but for me, it was the most soul-stirring of all. It is done purely as a devotional practice and is not canonically binding (as opposed to vows which are). These Renunciations date back to our Holy Mother, St. Jane de Chantal’s time and are a fabulous tradition that has been kept alive in our house. They are loosely based on the Seven Capital Sins. We may re-write them to personalize them if we choose, but keep the original format. For me, they are deeply moving detestations to our Lord of all the faults and frailties, perks and privileges that the human condition demands we esteem, seek, and procure. So again, here is an example of our counter-cultural way of life.

These are the 7 Renunciations I made. They were written by Sister Mary Emmanuel for her Profession, and I made a few minor changes.

I knelt at a designated spot on the refectory floor and read these Renunciations (in my heart, they were promises) out loud.

I renounce, for love of God, my freedom to move from place to place, and do willingly withdraw from the world and all its vain attractions in order to embrace a “life hidden with Christ in God.” (Col. 3:3)

I renounce, my pride and all my self-esteem, looking to give preference to others in order to embrace the attitude of Christ “Who, being in the form of`G/d, did not count equality with God something to be grasped at. But emptied Himself for our sakes.” (Phil 2:4-7)

I renounce my liberty to speak freely and remove myself from the distracting noise and activity of the world in order to embrace a life of silence and solitude, living in God’s presence so that like the Virgin Mary I, too, “may treasure all the things in this way of life and ponder them in my heart.”

I renounce all my vanity and concern for my outward appearance in order to embrace a life of inner virtue and beauty recalling the words of the Psalm, “the King has desired your beauty, which He Himself has given you; for your God and King has become your Spouse.”

I renounce my liberty of self-direction in the spiritual life placing myself in the Visitation school of humility, gentleness and charity in order to embrace the example of the child Christ Who upon returning to Nazareth with His parents was subject to them and thereby grew in Wisdom, Age and Grace. (Luke 2:51-52).

I renounce my liberty to visit my relatives and friends as I choose and will strive, as far as is possible, for holy detachment from my past life in order to embrace Christ as He invites me to follow Him, knowing that “once I have put my hand to the plough, I must not keep looking back” otherwise I will not be fit for the kingdom of God. (Luke 9:57-62)

I renounce my desires to be thought well of by others in order to embrace the example of Jesus, Who in His Passion “was despised and scorned, ill-treated and afflicted and like a lamb opened not His mouth.” (Is 52:13-15, 53:1-12)

For what I once counted as advantages, now through the grace of knowing Jesus Christ, I recognize as emptiness. (Phil 3:7-8) All I want is to know Christ; forgetting all that lies behind me, and straining forward to what lies before me, I keep my gaze FIXED ON JESUS Who leads us in our Faith and brings it to perfection; for the sake of the joy which lay ahead of Him, He endured the Cross and so entered into his glory. (Heb. 12:2) May I boast only in His Cross through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. (Gal. 6:14).

I cannot possibly relate how the Profession ceremony proceeded because, well, because I was totally occupied interiorly. So much so, that despite Sister Alice Marie’s injunctions to me to study the order of the ceremony so I’d know what to do, when the day finally came and I was in the thick of it, our dear Bishop was continually whispering little instructions to me. He would signal with his hand: come up here into the sanctuary or whisper, “Go out into the choir now to greet the Sisters” or, “Kneel for the blessing.” Really, I was quite mindless and it didn’t bother me a bit!

When the time came to pronounce my vows, I knelt before the Assistant to the Community, Sister Mary Ruth, in Mother Marie Joan’s place, and spoke the simple yet life altering words. The Bishop stands to the side and acts as a witness only. My vows are given to Christ through the hands of the Superior of the Monastery.

After the ceremony, there was a reception line in the smaller parlor and then guests could go outside to a tent for refreshments. The larger parlor had been beautifully prepared with tables and chairs for all my family members. Sister Anne-Marguerite had warned me that the reception line would last a long time and that ½ the people I wouldn’t know and the other half I wouldn’t remember having greeted and she was perfectly correct!

Dear Sister Mary Emmanuel had set up a small table with a glass of Coke right outside the parlor for me. Periodically, Sister Anne-Marguerite would pop in to check on me and pull me out of the room to refresh myself a little with a few gulps of soda and then “back into the fray” I would go.

Finally, all the guests had been greeted and I was trundled down the cloister to the large parlor (also called the gathering room). There I visited with my family. My Dad was not able to come due to declining health, so my oldest sister Meghan stayed at home with him and her wonderful husband Sam also stayed to help with Dad. My Mom did come and it was such a balm to my heart to see her looking so well. The other five sisters of mine came, plus two brothers-in-law. Six nieces and nephews, as well as almost a half-dozen friends from Maine with whom I used to work, and my dear friend came from Canada. They drove all that way just to see me for a few hours. I was deeply moved and honored to be the recipient of such love and support.

‘Round about 2:30 pm in the afternoon, Sister Anne-Marguerite again came in to check on me, “Have you eaten dinner yet?”

“Dinner? No. No dinner”, I answered inanely, feeling somewhat exhausted, over-whelmed and did I mention, exhausted?

“Please excuse Sister. She must go eat!” and I was whisked off to the kitchen where Sister Joan Bernadette, God bless her, found some food for me, and I collapsed on a stool in the kitchen and there, unceremoniously ate in relative peace and quiet. Once I sat down, I found it rather difficult to get my mind and my mouth in a gear together to make any kind of sense, so any Sisters who happened to come by very kindly left me to a little quiet time there in a corner of the kitchen.

Soon it was time to say good-by to my friends from Maine and then my family. Many special intentions were tucked into my heart that day.

Of the many little customs and traditions we keep here, one of the dearest is this. At the end of the Profession day, I take my crown of flowers and slip into the Sister’s cell who is the next one to make her Solemn Profession (Sister Nancy) and place the crown on her pillow. She is generally surprised to find it there and she will place the crown at the f

The next day I visited with my Mom, my sisters Suzy and Paulette and Paulette’s daughter Laura Lee. Concurrently, the community was bustling about getting ready to bury our dear Mother Marie Joan the following day (June 2). On June 1st Mother’s body was returned to the Monastery and she and her coffin were prepared according to our custom.

Visitandines are buried barefooted as a sign of poverty. Their bodies are surrounded and their feet are covered with white flowers (usually lilies and daisies). Then we have a little procession, taking her into the choir. Someone bears the Paschal candle at the beginning, the Sisters follow, and the coffin with Mother follows. This is called the “Gathering in the Presence of the Body” (or the “Gathering Ceremony”.)

Since four members of my family were here in these extenuating circumstances, they were invited into the enclosure and joined in the procession and the ceremony in the choir. Generally, at the burial of a Sister, the Superior presides over this ceremony, but again, since the Sister was our Superior, it falls to the Assistant to preside.

But God blessed Sister Mary Ruth in a special way that day. Also visiting at the time were Sister Mary Gabriel Muth’s family, one of whom is Father Joseph Muth from Portland and he was pleased and honored to preside at this ceremony.

Later that day, my family departed and I was able to visit with some of the sisters from other Visitation Monasteries who came for the funeral. It seemed like every one knew and loved Mother. She had many family members who came for her burial the next day and I think half of Tyringham must have come too. Mother was a former Sister from the Franciscan Sisters of Glen Riddle in Pennsylvania and members of her former community attended the funeral as well.

The next day, our dear Bishop returned to preside over the Rite of Christian Burial. We celebrated a beautiful liturgy and afterward, the procession out to the cemetery was accompanied by the mournful sounds of a bagpipe, a touch Mother had previously verbalized she would appreciate at her funeral.

June 3rd – Saturday. Our Visitation Sisters from other monasteries began their leave-taking. We were so glad that so many were able to come, some to celebrate my Profession, some to celebrate Mother’s birth into Eternity, and a few for both occasions.

Throughout these joyful, sorrowful, busy days we had the assistance of many benefactors. Some were new to us and some not-so-new (I don’t really want to say that they are “old” benefactors!). These noteworthy persons did such a variety of services for us such as ferrying our Sisters to and from the airport, picking up food for the buffets served at both events, setting up tables and chairs on the grass under a tent, keeping the food and beverages well stocked, helping to clear away after all the guests had left and continuing to give hospitality to visitors – little unseen but very helpful service for us. I would be remiss if I did not mention them. And of course the flowers were all provided by our dear Calvin. As if all this were not enough, the spiritual and temporal benefactions came flooding in.

It is true: God does give, and He does take away. But He never stops there. He is always giving to us. We pray for vocations and many have come and more are coming. Not all have or will stay but we need not trouble ourselves about numbers of vocations, only about where to put them all! But I reckon He will take care of this too.

Our life here is pretty well-hidden and our prayers and sacrifices and works go largely unknown and that is good and as it should be. Our little Monastery and all the monasteries and religious congregations around the world simply could not exist if it weren’t for the generosity of our benefactors. As St. Paul points out: “There are many gifts but one Giver”. People tell us our prayers have helped them so much, but I say that their prayers are just as efficacious for us, for we show our love for each other by praying for each other and God surely loves a cheerful giver!

Well, my dear fellow travelers on the road to Heaven, this is indeed the last in the series of “Heaven on Earth.” It is also the end of “Notes From the Novitiate”. My intention is that this series will remain on our web site under the same title so that new people can read them. Then a new title will be added called, “Living the Life. ” I am not sure if that will be a continuous sort of site or if it will change completely with each new composition. So keep an eye out for the new title. It’s not that it takes me long to write these articles, it’s that it takes me so long to type them. I can type 140 words a minute, but if you want accuracy, it drops to 14 words per minute. This is a long one and it’ll be a miracle if I get it on the Tyringham site before Advent. Who knows what lies ahead for me as I proceed to live the life of a consecrated, Solemnly professed nun? All things are possible in Him who strengthens me!